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Ouch! Sarah Jessica Parker declared 'Unsexiest Woman Alive'

Fri 19/10/07
US men’s mag Maxim has taken the bold move of naming their ‘Five Unsexiest Women Alive’. While few will be surprised that grubby soul diva Amy Winehouse was on the list at number two, many will outraged that Sarah Jessica Parker was ushered to the top (or is that bottom?) spot.

Explaining why they gave the Sex in the City star the unenviable award, the magazine said: "How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with "sex" in the title? Pull your skirt down, Secretariat, we'd rather ride Chris Noth."

Maxim had this to say about the other four ladies rounding out their top five:

  2. Amy Winehouse
We thought the scrawny soul sister would be a natural for the top spot, but Winehouse managed a modest second. "Upon beholding her openly hemorrhaging translucent skin, rat's nest mane and lashes that look more like surgically attached bats," said Maxim, "we were the ones screaming, 'Nooo, nooo, nooo!'"
  3. Sandra Oh
The Grey's Anatomy star (dubbed 'Dr. McSkinny' by Maxim) managed to score a Top three position in the poll, with her unsexy offenses including her 'boyish figure' and 'cold bedside manner'. Maxim snarled, "The only thing worse than a show about doctors is a show about sappy chick doctors we're forced to watch or else our girlfriends won't have sex with us."
  4. Madonna
Muscling in at number four, the pop powerhouse was described as having an "accessorizing fetish for dirt-poor foreign babies." The 49-year-old was criticised for trading her once-pioneering ways for "self-righteous bellyaching and rapid postnuptial deterioration." Well, she still looks hotter than our mums!
  5. Britney Spears
The troubled Miss Spears ranked fifth on their list, with Maxim noting that "less than five years ago, Britney had a python wrapped around her well-toned torso onstage at the VMAs. Since then, she's lost the ability to perform, but gained two kids, two useless ex-husbands, and about 23 pounds of... pudge." Leave Britney alone indeed!


Can you nominate another celeb, male or female, that you think is more deserving of the 'world's unsexiest' title?

Have your say below - we'll be compiling your nominations shortly!

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User comments
Come on! I think we all know the number one unsexiest female award should go to Gretel Killene!
The only thing that suppresses my anger about such a purposeless poll such as this is the imagery of the fat, girlfriendless, sexless, hairy, sweaty computer geeks who wrote it. whats betting that if any of these women (although i cant imagine theyd ever stoop so low) offered themselves to the men who wrote this, that these guys would be thanking their lucky stars that she was even talking to him and would not think twice about saying no. and how do i know this? because they obviously have had no real life interaction with women if they have the nerve to call these women, or any other woman publicly 'unsexy'. personally, i think these men should be castrated in order to prevent them breeding...if they ever got the chance to that is.
You guys are pathetic!! How about you plaster your pictures on this site and let us judge you?? PATHETIC!! SJP is a brilliant actress and she has proved that time and time again... why criticize the successful? Jealousy maybe?? Ever wondered why Britney is the was she is? Its *** like you thats made her this way!! Why not focus on the positive for once - no wonder this world is so deranged!!
I just want to point out the fact that people saying that women are not sexy because they don't have perfect measurements or have put on weight after having 2 children is very cruel. Many women are so paranoid they won't even sleep with their spouses and it is all because of things like this that help set standards for society saying that just because you don't have the perfect curves or face you are ugly. This is why women are becoming so unhealthy as far as weight goes, they are either throwing up to lose weight so that men find them attractive or not eating at all. It seems like all the men want who make these lists are unintelligent, unhealthy women, as opposed to a healthy woman who doesn't fit a model mold. I find it quit offensive and very disheartening because I can't even look in a mirror or go shopping for clothes without crying due to the fact that I feel like I look horrible no matter what. Thank you for further ridicule and lowering my self-esteem even more.
Who died and left *Maxim* in charge of what's sexy? Any truly sexy person would know that there are many different ways to be sexy. What's more, there's someone for everyone--what's unsexy to men's magazine writers and editors, as knowledgeable as they may be about sexiness, may well be irresistible to someone else. Pushing one banal type of sexiness or dissing others is the last thing this materialistic, siliconized, plasticized, unsexy yawn of a world needs. Thanks, *Maxim*! You've just made the world a little more unsexy.
My boyfriend and myself totally agree with their number one spot. She is not pretty, nor is she beautiful! She could poke someones eye out with that nose
as unsexy as the retards at maxim might think those 5 great women are, they're ALL making more money than the inept men who call themselves the leaders of this patriarchal society. sarah's definitely doing something right again and again and again since she's been around for a while and has more and more fans. this is a stupid poll for stupid people. maybe they should have a look at their own sexual partners and see how fugly the person they're doing are.
She just looks weird. Skinny, and just weird
She's pretty unattractive the poor girl
Now THAT is why our society falls apart. It's because of lists like that. Tears people apart, tears integrity apart, and ultimately tears society apart. If one day you wake up and wonder why the rest of the world is taking over America, know that it's not because of God leaving the people, but people leaving God. "In God we trust"- a nation once built with integrity, a nation once built for justice, is now trampling on people who are already hurting and trying to scramble up. Informing minds with cold and senseless thoughts, resulting in dark and evil faults. Seriously, now I know why America is running downhill. If you really hope your nation can come back up, grant you the strength you once had or is now losing, start with your own integrity. This is sick.

 
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